Newsgorilla

2006-04-08T12:02:00.000-07:00

The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 671.For April 8, 2006. Hello, Worldwide Media Conspiracy, here's a list of people you can't push around any more: Spiro Agnew, Richard Nixon, John Mitchell, Ollie North, Newt Gingrich and Tom DeLay. Oops, wait, Ollie calls himself a reporter now. Never mind Ollie. And let's hold off on Tom DeLay until Fox News

2005-04-17T21:12:00.000-07:00

For April 18, 2005. Here it is, the nickname of the beast, growleth the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is BONG Bull No. 666!ELECTION SEASON. Here's a tickler file to watch for during the Papal Enclave in Vatican City, based on the modern American campaign expertise: -- When the election comes down to a handful of finalists, watch for the Swift Boat Veterans to find a member who

2005-04-06T12:08:00.000-07:00

Visit BONG's News Gorilla store at . The sun'll come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun! And you'll wish you and your posse had BONG's beautiful eyeshades, available nowhere else!For April 6, 2005. Hang in there, Peter Jennings, says the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is BONG Bull No. 665!COUNTER-PULITZER PRIZES FOR 2005. Let the winners and losers

2005-03-10T11:24:00.000-08:00

Visit BONG's News Gorilla store at . The sun'll come out tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow there'll be sun! And you'll wish you and your posse had BONG's beautiful eyeshades, available nowhere else!DAN RATHER, WE HARDLY KNEW YE! But we do know that if you coulda just picked a phony name, worked weekends as a male hooker and lobbed softballs to the White House flack, you coulda had a

2005-02-17T12:14:00.000-08:00

R.I.P., MAX JENNINGS. The retired Editor of the Dayton Daily News has died in New Mexico and is being hailed for the elegies as a great man. Sorry, but Max was a drunk. He often gave conflicting orders to different individuals or departments and then complained about the newsroom conflicts. He never saw a 2-man, 2-hour job that couldn't be improved with a 15-member committee and months of

2005-01-25T13:49:00.000-08:00

=-=-=-=-=-=-THE REAL BONG CONTENT STARTS HERE =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 663 +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ For Jan. 25, 2005. Oh yeah, White House team,

2004-12-25T21:37:00.000-08:00

For Dec. 26, 2004. Let's get with it, project committees, only five more days to slap out that thumbsucker and troll for that Pulitzer Prize, warns the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is BONG Bull No. 661! HOT OFF THE PRESSES. While they last, the Newsgorilla store has added a 16x20 poster print of the famous watercolor poster "The Editor" to the inventory. The price is a mere

2004-10-17T03:08:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . There you will find even more Mars-message monogrammed items, the better to wow your cubicle mates! We've also added two new single-sheet 2005 calendars on the Texas Postage theme for tight cubicle spaces. For those with a little more wall room, a more elaborate 12-page 2005 calendar with a hilarious Texas stamp for

2004-10-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . There you will find even more Mars-message monogrammed items, the better to wow your cubicle mates! For Oct. 6, 2004. Golly gee, Belo Corp., let's see if we have this straight. Getting caught with executive fists in the honey pot, lying about Dallas Morning News circulation, costs execs some Christmas change, but costs staffers 250 jobs? What if some staffers

2004-09-23T16:04:00.000-07:00

The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 655 and News Gorilla http://newsgorilla.blogspot.com Visit the News Gorilla store at . There you will find even more Mars-message monogrammed items, the better to wow your cubicle mates! For Sept. 23, 2004. Oh wow,

2004-09-10T20:42:00.000-07:00

I'm not grasping the "typographic forensics" on the slacker Lt. Bush issue. Times Roman is a 75-year-old design (devised at great Gray Lady expense for N.Y. Times text in hot lead days) with clarity the prime motivator. Good for Microsoft for using it. There were any number of typewriters, typerack manuals and electrics, with optional keys available like "th" and legal citation symbols, degree

2004-09-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

(Editor's note: Pulled strings to get into the Texas Air Guard with all those Dallas Cowboys and other bigwigs' kids? Would a future president do such a thing? What, it was possible for snotnose rich brats with connections to beat Vietnam duty? Why haven't we reported this before? ;-) Visit the News Gorilla store at For Sept. 7, 2004. Wow, when they talk

2004-08-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store For Aug. 31, 2004. Whaddya mean John Kerry took no hostile fire, Swift Boaties? He's taking just as much today, only in the war we called it "fragging," notes the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is BONG Bull No. 652! BONG STYLE NOTE. By the way, in opinion pieces on U.S. presidential candidate John Kerry's voting record, use "flip-flopper" not "flip

2004-08-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store CONVENTION COVERAGE MANUAL. All right, we survived the Democrats, but the heavy weather for the boys (and girls) on the bus is yet to come. Here are some tips for being a journo in the GOP trench: -- Reporters are sacked for campaign contributions, and well they should be. Natural Law says election-year contributions should go FROM candidates TO publishers, usually

2004-07-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

One of the things I miss about the Midwest is all the festivals, all year long. Food, music, harvests, ethnic holidays, film, whatever, it's all an excuse for a festival or a parade. Cities and towns scramble to come up with a festival theme that no one else has, and of course the big cities have several. Dayton, Ohio had a gourd festival last year. (Not to be confused with Circleville,

2004-07-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

WELL, THEY LAUGHED AT GALILEO. And they laughed at Columbus. One or two tittered at Steve Jobs. And they're sure laughing at you, New York Post! We'll be watching Romenesko for a post-mortem on your exclusive that Kerry picked Gephardt. As Newsday put it, you guys shure got an exclusive. Second of the week on the subject of the Democrats' veep pick, come to think of it: Drudge had Hillary. But

2004-06-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the backup, Republicans. Michael Moore can speak for himself, but we're sure he appreciates the box office boost he got from whining protesters who tried to block "Fahrenheit 9-11" even before the lights went down. There's that old Puritan ethic at work, the antique American fear that it's a sin to sin -- but also a sin to let anybody else sin. So, knowing it would bring Moore free

2004-06-30T10:31:00.000-07:00

Oh, who cares about a little F-wording on the Senate floor? Clearly it's not the first strong language ever heard by a U.S. senator, nor a reporter lurking nearby. (Good lurking, by the way!) No, I think the Republicans have already forgiven their man, the Vice President Dick, Cheney.

2004-06-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

As regards the Speed & Typo comic strip below, I should have mentioned that our boys' adventure was based on a true incident in the life of Dayton Daily News reporter Ace Elliot. He was supposed to be off to his rural-county beat but didn't get past the saloon caddy-corner to the DDN office. In real life the federal man knew Ace and let him go without sweating out of him what he was doing running

2004-06-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

This is a Speed & Typo comic from October, 1992. Some early Speed & Typos have been compiled into books that can be bought in print or downloaded from www.lulu.com/charley. Around 1992 we were offering sweatshirts with images of the Deft Duo, as interpreted by Don Vanderbeek. I got nasty notes for rendering the heroes visual. For many people they were like radio stars. For those poor souls it

2004-06-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store. It can be found at For June 24, 2004. OK, we have that squared away, Mr. Vice President. Saddam Hussein either did or didn't have a role in 9-11 and either did or did not host Osama bin Laden or his cronies for a strategy session and maybe a dip in the pool, and it's the fault of a lazy press for believing any part of your previous pronouncements that weren't

2004-06-17T12:03:00.000-07:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 647 and News Gorilla http://newsgorilla.blogspot.com +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Visit the News Gorilla

2004-06-17T08:36:00.000-07:00

Coming out of the planning meeting. (What do newspaper managers mean by a "backout schedule?" Strikes me as a good way to get your butt scalded when you bump into a coffee-carrying committee lizard.) The Bar Tabs and Mass Communications Committee is thinking that the way of the future is blogging, not mailserving, especially since so many reader's servers are armed against spammers. And rightly

2004-05-18T13:11:00.000-07:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 646 and News Gorilla http://newsgorilla.blogspot.com +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Visit the News Gorilla

2004-05-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at New item: Texas Postage Stamps in real sticker form, suitable for office mail, cubicle defilement or convincing mystery mail left where your cubicle mates can't miss seeing it. Like in your file drawer with the Snickers bars. For May 4, 2003. Nightline's casualty list? Go ahead and call it politics, Sinclair Broadcast Group, and when the vets throw their medals

2004-04-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 644 and News Gorilla http://newsgorilla.blogspot.com +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ For April 20, 2004.

2004-04-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at Among the new offerings: Genuine official Elite Media T-shirts, just the thing for election year wear! A liberal talk radio network, Al Franken? Well good luck. But of course you know going in that the right-wingers have a big advantage over you: Their listeners can cheer, "Yeah, and Rush Limbaugh was on drugs when he said that!" notes the Burned-Out

2004-03-15T21:11:00.000-08:00

For March 12, 2004. Sorry if we’re a little late with the advice, Martha Stewart (no, we couldn’t revive an old dried-out typewriter ribbon with blueberry juice and pancake syrup), but for what it’s worth, here’s Janet Jackson’s advice: To avoid jail time on the next call from your broker, rip a fall-away patch off your bustier. The press play is just the same but you won’t go to Stony

2004-02-18T13:14:00.000-08:00

Visit the News Gorilla store BONG-inspired literary and artistic tomes at: Lulu http://www.lulu.com/charley. As announced in BB639.5, the works now include a collection of Speed & Typo comics titled "Only Copy Editors Are Immune!" For Feb. 18, 2004. Hey, was that Valentine's Day that just went by here? How well we remember the warm chocolate bars rolled into the Underwood typewriters, the

2004-02-18T13:10:00.000-08:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at BONG-inspired literary and artistic tomes at: Lulu http://www.lulu.com/charley. As announced in BB639.5, the works now include a collection of Speed & Typo comics titled "Only Copy Editors Are Immune!" For Feb. 16, 2004. No one doubts for a minute that you served honorably in the Alabama guard, Mr. President. And chickens have lips too, attest about three dozen

2004-02-06T12:29:00.000-08:00

For Feb. 6, 2004. Some may count him out for his widely televised pep-rally antics and the goofiest speech since Gov. Jesse Ventura, but if Dean wins in Wisconsin, by Florida they’ll all be barking and crawling on their bellies like a reptile, says the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is BONG Bull No. 639 and a half! INSIDE STUFF II. Doug Fisher’s blog Common Sense Journalism

2004-02-03T08:59:00.000-08:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . Good stuff in the store this week, and those lurking holiday shopping obligations can easily be vanquished online! Still time to get delivery right to your door of eye-catching mugs, stylish garments and the newspaper pejoratives 2004 calendar! BONG-inspired literary and artistic tomes at: Lulu http://www.lulu.com/charley. For Feb. 2, 2004. Come on, Federal

2004-01-15T12:40:00.000-08:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . Good stuff in the store this week, and those lurking holiday shopping obligations can easily be vanquished online! Still time to get delivery right to your door of eye-catching mugs, stylish garments and the newspaper pejoratives 2004 calendar! For Jan. 15, 2004. No, Dayton Daily News, you don’t get a deal on license plates just because so many of your former

2003-12-20T11:53:00.000-08:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . Good stuff in the store this week, and those lurking holiday shopping obligations can easily be vanquished online! Still time to get delivery right to your door of eye-catching mugs, stylish garments and the newspaper pejoratives 2004 calendar! HANG IN THERE, POST-DISPATCH GUILD. The world is a friendlier place than publishers want you to believe. THE

2003-12-06T14:46:00.000-08:00

At the newspaper designers'convention, a drunk copy editor stumbles into the hospitality room and says to the bartender, "Hey, heard the one about the newspaper designer who --?" The bartender interrupts, saying, "Hey, you're at a newspaper design convention. That 300-pound guy over there is a former professional wrestler and is a designer. The guy at your left is a managing editor who is a

2003-11-17T18:35:00.000-08:00

For Nov. 17, 2003. Welcome back, Rush Limbaugh! Now that your head is cleared by that overdue detoxing, we're sure you'll be glad that your booth is straightened out. The new bumper stickers from Greenpeace, the Sierra Club and the National Organization for Women are in your top right drawer, under your American Civil Liberties Union card and your Stop Hangun Violence brochures. All those

2003-11-03T21:36:00.000-08:00

2004 CALENDARS ARE IN. See for the BONG beauties. Note, too, the subtle change in product number since BB632. We rejiggered the graphics to make them less vulnerable to the post-press minions trimming the pages with Weed-Whackers. The store continues to offer coffee mugs, mousepads, lunchboxes and other priceless artifacts as well. See . IT PAYS NOT TO ADVERTISE. The British retailer

2003-10-04T22:29:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . As a special treat to those BONGsters who have given up on the Julian calendar, the Timeliness and Unsightly Wall-Stains Committee has created the first BONG wall calendar. It features Speed and Typo on the cover, ace art on the inside pages, a free Chagrin Falls Commercial Scimitar Foreign Correspondent press card and all the newspaper pejorative names that

2003-09-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . Good stuff in the store this week, and you'll me needing wardrobe like the new T-shirts and tote bags for those summertime leisure moments when the boss is away on vacation! For Sept. 22, 2003. Good heavens, Mr. Bush, you mean you suspect more terrorists in Buffalo, N.Y., than in Baghdad!? Well, please don’t tell the Third Infantry, begs the Burned-Out

2003-08-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store Good stuff in the store this week, and you'll me needing wardrobe like the new T-shirts and tote bags for those summertime leisure moments when the boss is away on vacation! FOR SEPT. 1, 2003. It's Labor Day, boys and girls, when we can be grateful that the Bush administration has found so many of us ineligible for overtime pay, but at what other job could we watch

2003-08-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . Good stuff in the store this week, and you'll me needing wardrobe like the new T-shirts and tote bags for those summertime leisure moments when the boss is away on vacation! For Aug. 20, 2003. The Dixie Chicks, noisily banned from shitkicker radio stations, top their genre with $61 million in concerts for the year. Al Franken irritates Fox News, whose lawyers

2003-07-14T13:21:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store . Good stuff in the store this week, and you'll be needing wardrobe for those summertime leisure moments! Newgorilla Discount! Get $4 off any order of $30 or more from the Newsgorilla Store if you order before July 15! Enter FREEDOM in the code window at checkout. For July 14, 2003. Happy Bastille Day and of course we can forgive a little flaw in fact gathering by a

2003-06-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

For June 11, 2003. Visit the News Gorilla store . We've added nifty T-shirts, tote bags and other stuff that will bring confused stares in your newsroom. Like, the Chagrin Falls Commercial Scimitar tote is a great tool for shutting down the J-school geeks lording it over everybody who didn't get an internship. "Projects team?" they'll ask. "You got on the projects team!?" Don't answer any

2003-05-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . Good stuff in the store this week, and you'll me needing wardrobe for those summertime leisure moments! For May 24, 2003. Well gee, Congressman DeLay and Attorney General Ashworth, you didn't need to fool the feds and the Rangers to hunt down those quorum-busting Texas Democrats! The wire services knew where they were in minutes! And they made the Texas State

2003-05-11T14:11:00.000-07:00

LOOKING FOR A COLUMNIST. What, let another airline go down the tubes? Let's not. Poor greedy American Airlines execs have been silly, yes, and stupid, maybe, dealing out quiet millions for themselves while asking the workers to give up pay and bennies. But the airline is still worth another chance. How about this to make the unions happy: How come nobody tips an airline stew? The cabin

2003-05-11T14:08:00.000-07:00

Visit the News Gorilla store at . BEGGING OFF. A columnist tires of backstabbing his colleagues, quoting his mother, Shakespearean back-fence neighbor and precocious children. He fakes a cough, calls in sick and sneaks off to the golf course. At the first tee, the Swedish women's golf team asks him to fill out a foursome for a practice round, after which they spend a glorious two hours

2003-04-20T23:46:00.000-07:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 621 +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Visit the News Gorilla store. That's where you can get your Chagrin Falls Commercial Scimitar Project Team

2003-04-09T12:42:00.000-07:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 620 and News Gorilla http://newsgorilla.blogspot.com +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ Visit the News

2003-04-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 619 +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ For April 3, 2003. Not to worry, war correspondents! For his big mouth, Daniel Schorr found work at National

2003-03-29T07:09:00.000-08:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 618 +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ For March 29, 2003. Hello, all you embedded reporters and those hoping to become embedded after the office

2003-03-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 617 +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ For March 17, 2003. Well, other than that, how did you like the Azores, Mr. President, and you're obviously ready

2003-03-10T15:42:00.000-08:00

ALL CQ. Some of the names on a major midwestern font of knowledge's CQ list. These are real names of people from their pages, kept as a spelling checker. Thabo Pooe; Starr Glowik; Faye Flack; Precious Naomi; Cinnamon Peppo; B.M. Brown; Steven Colliflower; Ann Schlegelmilch; Grimace Boyer; Melby Ober; Cat Tom; Heaven Wilcoxon; Zohn Zimmer; Gabby Wedding; Krinceton Morton; Rhodey Shane; Erin

2003-03-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

For March 7, 2003. All right, all right, we give up, Mr. French Ambassador! You can have all our Jerry Lewis videos, films, comic books, recordings, autographs and bar napkins! Just no more Renaults! Bomb us and get it over with, says the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild, and this is BONG Bull No. 615! LITERARY THRILLS. It's amazing what inspires newspaper readers to write letters to the

2003-03-01T19:10:00.000-08:00

A genuine letter to the editor of the San Antonio (Texas) Express-News, after a story about water-conserving toilets promoted by the San Antonio Water System (SAWS): "Being a good citizen, as soon as I heard there was such a thing as a low flow toilet I went to Builder's Square and bought two new ones made by American Standard. This was way before SAWS got involved and started paying

2003-02-24T23:50:00.000-08:00

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild's World-Famous Encyclical BONG Bull No. 614 and News Gorilla +*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+ For February 25, 2003. Extra! Extra! Nice move, Mr. Fang, shutting off

2003-02-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

Further evidence that blogging has a future. Within 10 minutes of BONG Bull 613 going out, we heard from Dave Lieber with news that Molly Ivins is now syndicated full-time and not a Startlegram employee. Ooh, they left her to be lured away by the Washington Times! Also came word that Sean Scully is the source of the item on Charlottesville Progress' headline explorations. Not only is

2003-02-12T12:43:00.000-08:00

2003-02-12T12:11:00.000-08:00

THAT'S ENOUGH FOR THE PRACTICE COURSE PLEASE, MRS. HARRIS. No heart-shaped chocolate box for you, Clara Harris, but there's a nice card from the guys in the body shop down at the Houston Mercedes store, says the Burned-Out Newspapercreatures Guild. BONG Bull No. 613 has been sent to subscribers worldwide. INTRODUCING NEWS GORILLA. News Gorilla has a logo; yeah, well, we had this gorilla